there is a reason for my being, I will tell my story..

Why does the rain make me feel so sad? Maybe because the rain reminds of the many tears I have cried. Maybe it reminds me of all the times I were outside and got all wet and cold. Maybe it is the sound that makes me remember my heart breaking. Or maybe it is simply reminding me of all the tough times I have felt alone, and sitting in silence.. just listening to the rain falling, like big drops of pain. - Written by Martha (me)

Sometimes it seems like even how hard I try, nothing is ever good enough. I try to make people satisfide, maybe I should stop doing that. I care too much about others, and very little of myself. But that is who I am, that´s how I have always been. If there was a cake to share, I was the one who took the smallest piece. Now I see that if I want to get anywhere I have to take the biggest piece sometimes too. Not let anyone take my piece either. As you can hear, I am not just talking about a piece of cake anymore. No, I am talking about my life, and about the prinsipals.

I live in a small city far north. It´s here I was borned and grew up. It is here my family is. But that´s it. I am going to leave here, and hopefully start a whole new life somewhere else, where I know none. That was how everything got better the last time, I started in a new class with no familiar faces. Finally I could make some friends and be happy about going to school, not dreading it and feeling like I didn´t belong in this world. So when I leave here, the only reason I would ever come back is because of my family, they are the only ones ever being there for me a hundred prosent and supporting me. Another thing that kept me going was the music, my poetry and passion for writing. And of course, my dreams. My dreams of a better life, of something better than this, a life where I don´t feel alone.

Next year everything will change, I am going to a school somewhere else in the country. And hopefully everything will go uphill from there. Hopefully after I am done there I get to go to school in USA, that is my dream, well at least one of them.

But I am still wondering what I am good as, is it an actress? A photographer? A writer? A model? I am not sure. I love to be creative, that is my passion. So what do I do when I have many things to pick between? Life is difficult, but I am grateful that I have been given the gift of creativity.

I will promise you this though: Some day I WILL write a book and have it published. And that book is going to help others out there that are like me, feels lonely and don´t have many friends, people who are good at so many things, but can´t see it. This is people who have big dreams, but low self-esteem. I want to reach out to all of them, because I know that they deserve a better life.

While I am at it, I will also promise you this: I will never give up on my dreams, and I will never let anyone destroy them. There is nothing that is going to take me down, because I now I have talents, and I believe in me, anyone who can say that and mean it, will in the end, win. Okay, so I don´t have a lot of friends, but I will meet new people, and hopefully they will be lifelong friends. Maybe it was meant to be that I wasn´t going to have a lot of friends, maybe God decided that this would be my story, and that I am going to use my story to help others. I believe that is my mission in life.

My life hasn´t been easy, I have never been served anything on a silver platter (speaking NONE literally). But to tell you the truth, I am happy that I am not a spoiled brat who didn´t work for anything in life. For example, I don´t have a job, it is almost impossible to get a job in the small town I live in. Either you have to be a bimbo or you need to know some people. You have to dress like every other bimbo in town. But NO, I will not submit to it, I am ME and I am proud to stand out from the crowd. I like to be one of a kind, not dissapear in the crowd. Just so you know.


- Story of my life -
M

only you can make it happen..

I try to be a positive and happy person. Sometimes it can be very hard, because you really don´t feel like being happy and positive, you just feel like going home and cry your eyes out. How can I pretend to smile, when all I want to do is cry? You have no idea how many times I have wanted to cry, and I couldn´t. It have been times when it have hurt so much, that I didn´t think I would ever recover. But here I am, strong as ever. Something important to point out is that, and I can´t say this too often, what doesn´t kill you, only makes you stronger. There is some truth in that. Believe me when I say that I have been very far down at the bottom, and that is a dark place to be. You do have to remember though, that someone put you there. And that person is none other than yourself, with a capital Y. No one can make you feel bad about yourself more than YOU. If you feel very down, and you feel like the whole world is against you, please remember that you are not alone. That can be very hard to remember as you sit there putting yourself down, but give it a try. It is your attitude and your spirit that helps you build your self-esteem.

When you are out and you see all these beautiful girls with designer clothes and great make up, you can choose NOT to see them. Focus on yourself, be yourself, remember what you talents are, remember what makes YOU special and unique, and THEN you can take a look at them again. Then you can name something that makes THEM so special, yeah, I am sure you name beauty, style, fashioninteligence, great infront of cameras. But what are really those things compared to, colorful, loyal, smart, honest, good writer, good to play the guitar ?

I have always said, I will rather be colorful than be like everybody else. Everyone is so obsessed with fashion and beauty, that they have completely lost sight of what is real. And what is real is that really it doesn´t matter how you dress, as long as you make it your own. Make your own style, don´t try to copy everyone else, just find the style that YOU are comfortable with. If you have your own style, people easier notice you, because you are not fading away in the crowd.


I don´t like copycats, whether it is about fashion or something else. You want to play safe? Follow the crowd. You want to be one of a kind? Be yourself.


- Story of my life -
M

There is no such thing as free candy..

Melanie walks down the dark street among all the leaves. She doesn´t like the dark, the big dark trees are so close and so threatening, and she feels like she sees shadows almost everywhere. Wasn´t there a lot of kids here just a second ago? Everyone is suddenly gone, and all there´s left is emty papers from the candy. The pumpkins at Mrs. H´s house is cut out in a very scary way. The way they look, like they are watching her as she walks by, sends chills down her spine. Melanie slowly walks up to Mrs. H´s door. She always had all the good candy, and she was a very nice old lady with the most beautifully decorated house. Melanie rings the doorbell, but no one opens the door. She rings it one more time, but there is no sign of Mrs. H.
"Where are everyone?", Melanie thinks to herself. "Why does it look like something has happened?" A noise interupt her thoughts, and she quickly turns around to see where the noise came from. Nothing. Only the big dark trees and all the papers from the eaten candy. Melanie suddenly get a creepy feeling...that something is wrong, hideously wrong. "Hello!!" she yells with her highest voice. No answer. Maybe she should just go on home. So she starts walking towards her own house. What she finds suspicious is that all of the houses she walks past is all filled with darkness. Each and every house looks deserted, like the people had been escaping from something. Taken with them what they could get their hands on and just ran.
When Melanie returns to her own house, she gasps. Chills run up and down her spine. What is this? "Is this some kind of a sick joke!?!" she can feel the tears popping out of her eyes as she stands there, looking at her parents... hanging down from a tree.
"Mom! Dad!" Melanie yells, as she runs towards them. But none of them answers her. They wouldn´t do this to her, not something so cruel as letting her believe that they are dead. Suddenly something catches her eye, a poster. It says "LOCK YOUR DOORS, MENTAL PATIENT ESCAPED TONIGHT", and then there was a picture of the so called mental patient. "Oh..." is all Melanie manage to choke out. She could feel her whole body freeze up, she start to lose feelings in her arms, her legs. Never in her life had she been so frightened and scared. And she is all alone, all by herself... What if the mental patient were in the street already? And taken all the children? The more she is thinking, the more scarier the thoughts become. Suddenly a voice interupts her thinking. "The world is a cruel place... but you know, there is no such thing as free candy". Melanie can feel the goosebumps coming, she can feel the chills down her spine, but she cannot move. "Www-hho aaa-rrr...", Melanie stutters, but doesn´t finish the sentence. "I think you know... You know, we all go a little MAD sometimes." Then the person laughs a high and evil laugh. It is the most terrifying sound she has ever heard. Then she snaps out of her temporary paralyzis, and she turns quickly around to see who it is. As she watches the person infront of her, she recognices the hair, the eyes, the same disturbing smile... everything. The person standing infront of her is none other than the escaped mental patient. Melanie take one step backwards. "Trick or Treat?!?" the mental patient snaps at Melanie, and slowly walks towards her with a disturbing smile on his mouth. "I think we´ll have to go with trick, don´t you think?!", he pulls up a rope. "You don´t mind sharing tree with your parents I hope", he laughs the same laugh, filled with evil. "HELP!!", Melanie yells the highest she can manage, but she knows it is wasteless. As he is about to take the rope around her neck, she wakes up.

"Oh, honey, I think you were having a nightmare", Melanie´s mother, Sylvia is sitting at her bedside with a cup of hot chocolate. "Yes, I think I were, what a relief". She follows her mom downstairs to the kitchen. "Your costume is ready, I asume you are walking together with Michelle and the others?" Sylvia asks as she sits down on one of the kitchenchairs. "Yes, we....", Melanie stops her sentence. Her eye catches something, at the frontpage of the newspaper..... She can feel her body freeze as she reads the shocking headline: "LOCK YOUR DOORS, MENTAL PATIENT ESCAPED TONIGHT".....


Happy Halloween.......



- Story of Halloween -
M